Cold

Drank a frapp >.<

Thought time...

Randomness is coming...


So first of all I want to move to melbourne or sydney australia.

I am cold.

I need to think of more ideas for youtube.

I need a mac. I am cooooolllldleaw....brbbrrrrrrrrr

Maybe

Maybe I wasn't meant to be where I am... I hate feeling so unsure and being blown off by so many people. Girls hurt. No one understands. No one wants to stick around. Whatever. It just hurts and I feel so childish for letting it upset me so much but it HURTS.

It

It has been a while since I have posted anything. My thoughts are jumbled up and i feel my heart being tugged at. What am i going to do? Good question...

I will be getting an apartment hopefully in Dec/Jan.
Need a better job :3
Hmmm...

I am... confused like usually and tired :D but I guess that is how it is meant to be.... for now...
I hope I can get into boot camp soon.

Doors

I walk through these doors to see what was meant to be but what was I meant to be?
All of these worldly influencing are trying to pump themselves into my vains
I can only run and not see where I am going

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

Now.

I am not sure what I am suppose to be feeling right now i feel like there is too much going through my head and it is all too much for me to process. I am unstable. Very unstable. This hasn't happened before. Not on this level.
Thorns. Goodnight world I need to sleep. Too much on my mind.

I don't mean

I don't mean to make a mess of things I just tend to do that when I try to do anything.

...

I am choosing the Roses.
I am already caught in its thorns...
The flowers are so beautiful
They are impossible to ignore
The fragrance is drawing me closer...
I wonder if the petals taste good...
I want to see the center of the garden though...
it will take me a while...

Numb

Broken heart.

Shattered, torn, smashed dropped to the bottom of the lake.
No one is going to get to it for now.
The walls are growing bigger than before.
I won't let you in. I refuse.
I have made up my mind now.
I hate being hurt.
So I am going to be numb instead.
I will put on a face and act like the person everyone sees.
But you will know how I feel on the inside.
Maybe I will find something to distract me from all of the things that hurt me.

I have the key but you won't get it from me. You won't get to see what is left of me. No one ever has seen all of me.
They only see what is on the outside.
You might have peeked at the inside once but no person has ever seen what is truly on the inside.
I am broken and bleeding I will cover everything with these sheets around me no one will see what is truly happening to me.
It hurts.
I hate it.
I hate feeling this pain.
I hate being broken.
I hate being torn.
I hate crying myself to sleep.
Hate is a horrible thing.
I remember it as a child I hated my mom for leaving me. Then I cried because I missed her. I remember crying all night till I fell asleep.
I remember wailing on the floor wanting to be loved but no one ever came.
I hate remembering.

I stabbed my heart with your thorns.
They poisoned it.
Scraped it.
Made it bleed.
Then you grabbed it and shattered it.
scattering all of the pieces in the lake.
You lit them on fire as a funeral in a casket.
watched it sink.
What is wrong with me?
tell me is there something wrong with me?
What did I do wrong?
Numb.
Blood.
Tears.
death.
My walls are growing.

You won't get even past the second one.
Bluebells might have a chance.
Might.
I am not sure.
I am not sure if I will let anyone in ever again.
My heart is shattered.
I wonder if it has died yet.
Hmmm silence.
I miss you silence.
I miss you simplicity.
I miss you.
I don't want to be around you though.
Roses...I don't want to smell you in the breeze.
I could use hope right now.

trying

Going to get into Job corps.
Hmmm not sure... bluebells or Roses.... still confused.... :3 but I do have to say both are amazing :)
I will have to choose.... maybe... or maybe things will sort out... Prayer helps....
hmmm I need a place to live too....
I do have to say bluebells keeps on impressing me day after day but then again I am only just getting to know her.... I hope to know soon who I am suppose to choose.... I am excited to do Job corps :3
Bluebells are pretty and Roses are amazing....

Alas I am only a lily though....
My beauty will fade quickly...

Me

I was born on May 18th 1991.
My Full Name is Joshua Lee Reber.
My Dad's name is Richard.
My Birth mom's name is Deidre A. Burden
My Mom's name is Rose.
I remember very little of my childhood... maybe only a few memories... glimpses of the past.

I am unraveling on the floor fraying into what is left of me.

I remember the day that my Birth Mom left... I remember going home and finding no one there and my dad picking me up panicking along with both of my brothers...
I remember her calling and asking to take Daniel with her because he was the only one she wanted to take but my Dad refused because you don't seperate the brothers. She doesn't seem to realize the extent she has hurt me but more than that the extent she has hurt my brothers and my family with the choices she had made.

My Dad was addicted to porn and was on drugs.
This seeped into my life I was watching porn in fourth grade and it was skewing my logic i didn't understand what it was doing to me at all at the time I found it fascinating and didn't know it was wrong.

I have multiple memories of screaming and crying for my birth mom as a child and curling into a ball sometimes hiding in the closet.

For a very long time since about fifth grade I had nightmares that I didn't tell anyone about and they scared me very much some of them are similar to my poetry until my senior year of high school they came and went at various times sometimes more or less.

In sixth grade she came back for three months and left the day before my birthday. She wanted to blame my Dad for everything she blamed him that he ruined her life that none of this was her fault that he was the one that ruined everything and is the one who hurt me. I remember screaming at her telling her that she was the one mistaken. Later on I found out she was the one who got my dad into porn again...

Seventh Grade was uneventful I remember nothing from it really except picking up the habit of cutting.

Eighth grade was when my Dad got married to Rose and when my dad became saved. Life started to change when these things occured. I tried to kill myself in seventh and eighth grade.

I was saved in ninth grade but I feel I truly didn't grasp who God really was until half way through the year. Over the course of going to Calvary chapel I slowly was changing

Mike Macy was a person who had influenced me greatly and showered me with the love of Christ.
I ran into this guy everywhere even in the woods in one of the many places I used to meditate and he always came at a time when i desperately needed someone to talk to or needed to be reminded or inspired he was always there.

I threw myself around in relationships relentlessly in High school and feel stupid for that i was in love with one person throughout it but all of the others felt like the giddy lovey doveyness that really wasn't love at all...

I feel stupid for throwing myself around.

Hopefully God will keep working on me...
But then again I don't know what is going to happen.
I don't know much now.

I don't

Think I will ever be used to any of this.
I wonder what will happen next... I am not sure what will occur...

Roses or bluebells?

Lately I have been confused... Roses or bluebells? which do I prefer? hmmm both are beautiful in their own ways... even though I am a lily which do I prefer?

I feel like...

I feel like giving up I hate how everything feels one sided why does it have to be this way?

I kinda just want to shut down.
What's wrong with me?
Why am I so ugly?
Why doesn't anyone truly care about me?
Is it wrong to want to be loved so badly?
To find someone who wants to truly try to stick around?

Why does something good have to hurt so badly?

I confuse myself.
I tend to make very confusing choices but I know there is a pattern to it all and an explanation.
I understand but I don't at the same time.

I don't know what God wants me to do in life I want to be a nurse... but I don't at the same time and other things have been on my mind a lot lately and I just keep rolling thoughts through my head.

God who do you want me to be with someday?

Hmmm I learned that I really like girls with short hair xD haha especially people with dark brown hair... lol xD that was randomness I know but I just noticed that...

I am me. I am everything that I am every single part of me that I fear that I hide in the corners of me acting like they don't exist.

I am the one flaying you alive
I am the one tearing at your mind
I am the one creeping under your skin
I am the one wearing the grin

There are so many things you don't know about me... If you want to find out just ask... I will be brutally honest.

Lately

Lately I have been juggling around different areas in my life.
I really want to do so many different things but I don't know what to choose... and how to go about choosing some of them...
I really really want to learn japanese but I don't know where to start.... I also really want to learn Kendo....
Hmmm I am thinking...
a lot.... grr...
私はイライラして...
なぜ人生はとてもすべてに複雑になることがありますか？
Sumimasen...

Today

today has been amazing.
I feel like I am finally shedding my old leaves and the new ones are growing into existance.
I am overjoyed.

I like

I like

The feeling the music pounding through my body feeling the sway of the atmosphere around you twirling twisting spinning you along it's path of harmony. The feeling of the sun pouring its energy across your skin feeling it spread around you. The silence of the water around you when you deep in a lake. The bright sky at night lit by so many stars while the moon shines down on you. The peacefulness of knowing you are in the deepest woods alone and humanity is at the back of your mind.

Today

Today was good I guess kinda confusing... my hair turned out really well... Well.... now it is the sixth person XD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Crystal is engaged >.< and Kassy and my sister and others.... too much at one time....*dies*

pssssshhhhh and you won't take me down :P

I feel

I feel like there are four of me.
I feel the part of me that is happy and is what everyone sees on the outside who will run up to you and give you the biggest smile you have ever seen and will tackle you.
I feel the very logical withdrawn me who thinks before he does anything and says things only needed to be said and can be very cold sometimes.
I feel the part of me that just wants to be loved and will cry over it, will hide in the corner and always feels alone and desires attention so badly and will strive for it and will be hurt all over again in the end.
I feel the part that I fear in me that I dislike a lot. Madness.

Each one of these I feel at all times but some are just at different levels.

What I really mean...

What I really mean when I say "you can give up" is please please please don't give up if you want to you can and I won't be upset (kinda depends on situation) but I want you to keep trying please don't give up everyone does that and it hurts if you give up later rather than sooner. I shouldn't but I do tend to do this a lot trying to get you to either get up which is what I usually assume will happen or shock me and stick around which usually never happens.
Hmm maybe I tell people too much about my emotions and my thoughts... I wonder why I am always trying to tear myself apart and hurt myself...

Well it is me I guess I have to accept that or change...
I am tiring of it though i am getting placated by fears and worries and I am over analyzing this and causing myself to break... Or was I already broken?

Madness

Slightly

Slightly frustrated with people who assume that I did something and told everyone about it when I am the person who would never do that. Oh and somehow the people had my emails. it is creepy.
Well I had an ok day it was crazy and really busy.
Goodnight world.

Romeo

Romeo isn't someone who I want to be and if I am it can't be the sad ending like before... That was really really sad.... But I know it won't be a sad ending like before :)
Now all I have to do is wait for my Juliet

Japanese Name

My Japanese name is mikazuki hiroyuki which hiroyuki means broad happiness (first name) and Mikazuki means crescent (last name) ...

Life

Life can be really confusing sometimes and I think technology really has made it a lot more complicated than it has ever been and has made things a lot worse to an extent. It is a tool to use for good and bad but that is the choice of the people to do what they want with it.\

So anatomy and physiology is a killer hard class and I have been having to study more than I ever have before it is like my spanish class but it isn't as repetitive as that class either. I am excited about taking Japanese this fall it will be good for me I have been wanting to take Japanese for years but my parents wouldn't let me...

I really enjoy my interpersonal communications class it is really a class all about bouncing thoughts, ideas and views between each other... the book is really hard to read though...

So... I have to say one of my favorite singers in the entire world has to be Kanon wakeshima. Her voice is beautiful and it draws you in but it also has this eerie feel to it and it feels like it sucks me in... and the lyrics are beautiful too...

Here is one of her songs... Maboroshi

I am for you an illusion

Without appearance
Without even shape
Wishing I wans't beyond your imagination

The back of my hands are pale
My lungs are deep red

Even in a road of tens of thousands kilometres
Or a never ending darkness
You can freely move as you desire

Even if I exceed the space,
I don't exist
As I understand I'm not able to face you...

Without dreams
Or a heart

However, when you loved
You gave a smile
You spoke

Flashing palpitation
If your eyes see
The signals stuck into the liquid crystal screen
Which continue to send
The light of an illusion
It cannot be any longer here if it breaks off
Even on a neverending darkness
You can freely move as you desire

Even if I exceed the space,
I don't exist
As I understand I'm not able to face you...

Questions

If you ever have any weird, fun, quirky questions for me you can ask me here http://www.formspring.me/Chocoboh but they can be anything you want I am honest about life.

ENFP relationships

ENFP Relationships


ENFPs take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with a childlike enthusiasm and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be. Energetic and effervescent, the ENFP is sometimes smothering in their enthusiasm, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and high ideals.




ENFP Strengths

Most ENFPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationships issues:

* Good communication skills
* Very perceptive about people's thought and motives
* Motivational, inspirational; bring out the best in others
* Warmly affectionate and affirming
* Fun to be with - lively sense of humor, dramatic, energetic, optimistic
* Strive for "win-win" situations
* Driven to meet other's needs
* Usually loyal and dedicated




ENFP Weaknesses

Most ENFPs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationship issues:

* Tendency to be smothering
* Their enthusiasm may lead them to be unrealistic
* Uninterested in dealing with "mundane" matters such as cleaning, paying bills, etc.
* Hold onto bad relationships long after they've turned bad
* Extreme dislike of conflict
* Extreme dislike of criticism
* Don't pay attention to their own needs
* Constant quest for the perfect relationship may make them change relationships frequently
* May become bored easily
* Have difficulty scolding or punishing others




ENFPs as Lovers

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May
ENFPs make warm, considerate, passionate partners who are generally willing, eager, and able to do whatever it takes to make The Relationship a positive place to be. They are enthusiastic, idealistic, focused on other people's feelings, and very flexible. These attributes combine to make them especially interested in positive personal relationships, and also makes them very able to promote strong relationships in fun and creative ways. ENFPs take their commitments very seriously, and are generally deeply loyal and faithful to their partners.

There are a couple of difficult relationship areas for the ENFP. The first problem is that many ENFPs have a problem leaving bad relationships. They tend to internalize any problems and take them on their own shoulders, believing that the success or failure of the relationship is their own responsibility. As perfectionists, they don't like to admit defeat, and will stick with bad situations long after they should have left. When they do leave the relationship, they will believe that the failure was their fault, and that there was surely something they could have done to save the relationship.

On the entirely other end of the spectrum, many ENFPs have a difficult time staying focused and following things through to completion. If they have not focused on their ability to follow through, they may have problems staying in dedicated, monogamous relationships. They are so in tune with all of the exciting possibilities of what could be, that they will always fantasize about a greener pasture out there somewhere. If they are not paired with a partner who enjoys new experiences, or who shares their idealistic enthusiasm, the ENFP may become bored. The ENFP who is bored and who is not focused will be very unhappy, and will eventually "leave" the relationship if the problem is not addressed.

Since relationships are central to the ENFP's life, they will be very "hands on" and involved with their intimate relationships. They may be in the habit of constantly asking their partner how they're doing, what they're feeling, etc. This behavior may be a bit smothering, but it also supports a strong awareness of the health (or illness) of the relationship.

Sexually, The ENFP is creative, perfectionistic, playful and affectionate. Their rich fantasy world makes them fun and creative lovers, who usually have new ideas up their sleeves. They whole-heartedly embrace the opportunity for closeness with their mates, believing sexual intimacy to be a positive, fun way to express how much you love each other.

The ENFP needs to be given positive assurance and affirmation. More than one ENFP has been known to "go fishing" for compliments. They like to hear from their significant others that they are loved and valued, and are willing and eager to return the favor. They enjoy lavishing love and affection on their mates, and are creative and energetic in their efforts to please. The ENFP gets a lot of their personal satisfaction from observing the happiness of others, and so is generally determined to please and serve their partners.

A problem area for ENFPs in relationships is their dislike of conflict and sensitivity to criticism. They are perfectionists who believe that any form of criticism is a stab at their character, which is very difficult for them to take. Conflict situations are sources of extreme stress to the ENFP. They have a tendency to brush issues under the rug rather than confront them head-on, if there is likely to be a conflict. They are also prone to "give in" easily in conflict situations, just to end the conflict. They might agree to something which goes against their values just to end the uncomfortable situation. In such cases, the problem is extended and will return at a later time. The ENFP needs to realize that conflict situations are not the end of the world. They are entirely normal, and can be quite helpful for the growth of a relationship. They also need to work on taking criticism for what it is, rather than blowing up any negative comment into an indictment against their entire character.

Generally, the ENFP is a warm and affirming creature who is very interested and able to have an intense, meaningful, close relationship with their mate.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ENFP's natural partner is the INTJ, or the INFJ. ENFP's dominant function of Extraverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Introverted Intuition. How did we arrive at this?




ENFPs as Parents

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran
ENFPs take their parenting role very seriously, but are also very playful. There's a bit of grown-up kid in every ENFP, so they get a lot of fun and enjoyment from playing with their children. However, they consider it essential to pass their strongly-held values and beliefs down to their children, and will strive consistently to create a positive, ideal environment for their children's growth.

The ENFP may exhibit an inconsistency in their roles with their children. At one moment, they might be their child's best friend, laughing and whooping it up, and in the next moment they may appear the stern authoritarian. This inconsistency seems to be a result of a conflict between the ENFP's genuine desire to relate to their children on the children's level, and their compulsion to follow their deeply-felt value system. In other words, the ENFP wants to be their child's friend, but if a value is violated, they will revert to the parental role to make sure their children understand the violation. This inconsistency may be confusing and frustrating for the children.

The children of ENFPs generally feel loved, because the ENFP gives their children plenty of genuine warmth and support. They usually value their children as individuals, allowing them room for growth. The ENFP's enthusiasm and affection may at times seem smothering to their children. This will be especially true for children with strong Thinking or Sensing preferences, who will have a difficult time understanding the effervescence of the ENFP, and will feel at times embarassed by the ENFP's enthusiasm and tendency to display their affection publicly.

The ENFP is able to take care of day-to-day necessities, such as picking children up at the correct times, getting them to softball practice, getting them fed, etc. However, it is a chore for the ENFP and is not a natural strength. The ENFP also has a difficult time disciplining their children, unless a very strongly-held value has been violated.

The rich imagination and creativity of the ENFP parent creates a fun, dynamic and exciting environment for kids. The ENFP's strong value system turns experiences into meaningful lessons for their children. The ENFP parent is valued by their children for their warm, affirming natures, and their fun-loving approach to living.




ENFPs as Friends

ENFPs are warm and sociable people who are keenly in tune with other people's feelings and perspectives. They are energetic and fun to be with. They are very affirming, and get great satisfaction from supporting and lifting up others. They are idealists who seek authenticity in their personal relationships. ENFPs are valued by their peers and confidantes as warm, supportive, giving people.

In the workplace or other casual relationship environments, the ENFP is likely to get along well with almost all other types of people. ENFPs are genuinely interested in people, and are highly perceptive about them, to the point where they're able to understand and relate to all of the personality types with relative ease. They like to see the best in others, and are likely to bring out the best in others. While they are generally accepting of most all people, ENFPs with strong Feeling preferences may have a difficult time understanding people with very strong Thinking preferences who do not respond to the ENFP's enthusiastic warmth. The ENFP will stay open-minded about what they consider a "rejection" by the Thinker, until the situation has repeated itself a few times, in which case the ENFP may shut themselves entirely against the Thinker.

ENFPs may also feel threatened by individuals with strong Judging preferences. With a tendency to take any criticism personally, the ENFP may find themselves irritated or emotional when the Judger expresses a negative opinion, believing somehow that the Judger is expressing disapproval or disappointment in the ENFP.

For close friendships, ENFPs are especially drawn to other iNtuitive Feeling types, and to other Extraverts who are also enthusiastic about life. Like the other iNtuitive Feeling types, the ENFP needs authenticity and depth in their close relationships. They're likely to have friends from all walks of life who they feel close to and care about, but will have only a few very close friends with similar ideals to their own. The ENFP also tends to value the company of iNtuitive Thinkers.

Personalilty type

Whoever reads this needs to take this personality test and comment who they are and their score...


Thanks

Joshua Reber: E:100 N:70 F:98 P: 60


(http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html)

The Inspirer

As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system.

ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.

ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP's life, and because they are focused on keeping "centered", the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.

Most ENFPs have great people skills. They are genuinely warm and interested in people, and place great importance on their inter-personal relationships. ENFPs almost always have a strong need to be liked. Sometimes, especially at a younger age, an ENFP will tend to be "gushy" and insincere, and generally "overdo" in an effort to win acceptance. However, once an ENFP has learned to balance their need to be true to themselves with their need for acceptance, they excel at bringing out the best in others, and are typically well-liked. They have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use their intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level.

Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members.

An ENFP who has "gone wrong" may be quite manipulative - and very good it. The gift of gab which they are blessed with makes it naturally easy for them to get what they want. Most ENFPs will not abuse their abilities, because that would not jive with their value systems.

ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions.

ENFPs who have not learned to follow through may have a difficult time remaining happy in marital relationships. Always seeing the possibilities of what could be, they may become bored with what actually is. The strong sense of values will keep many ENFPs dedicated to their relationships. However, ENFPs like a little excitement in their lives, and are best matched with individuals who are comfortable with change and new experiences.

Having an ENFP parent can be a fun-filled experience, but may be stressful at times for children with strong Sensing or Judging tendancies. Such children may see the ENFP parent as inconsistent and difficult to understand, as the children are pulled along in the whirlwind life of the ENFP. Sometimes the ENFP will want to be their child's best friend, and at other times they will play the parental authoritarian. But ENFPs are always consistent in their value systems, which they will impress on their children above all else, along with a basic joy of living.

ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they're doing.

Because they are so alert and sensitive, constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often suffer from muscle tension. They have a strong need to be independent, and resist being controlled or labelled. They need to maintain control over themselves, but they do not believe in controlling others. Their dislike of dependence and suppression extends to others as well as to themselves.

ENFPs are charming, ingenuous, risk-taking, sensitive, people-oriented individuals with capabilities ranging across a broad spectrum. They have many gifts which they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them, if they are able to remain centered and master the ability of following through.

Jungian functional preference ordering for ENFP:

Dominant: Extraverted Intuition
Auxiliary: Introverted Feeling
Tertiary: Extraverted Thinking
Inferior: Introverted Sensing

Well

I feel like torn in a sense on what I want to do in life but I think i know where I am going to be going anyway...
I do like someone... A lot and she knows exactly who she is and she knows to an extent how much I truly like her... :)
But I am still having that feeling I feel like the rain is going to fall... :( I don't like the feeling and I have no idea what part of my life it is going to come from either which really doesn't help me I have no idea what to expect... :(

So I decided that... I don't know what to decide anymore... :-/ hmmm I am just going to keep waiting O.o... and I need to study.... I am hungry...
Hmmm sometimes I feel like madness is affecting me... I feel like I am wrestling with it... On the line between Madness and Insanity... but even then I am just imagining things I am using my emotions like I usually do and truly put myself into other people's shoes.... yep... I think I am slightly crazy... XD

why

Do people dislike people biting each other especially if they are married?
I am still confused about that... some people disapprove of it sooo much and it makes no sense I mean if the person is getting hurt badly yes that is logical but is it wrong? I mean if u are making each other bleed it makes sense.............. Grr grr grr... Oh well...

My head

˙˙˙˙ʇı ʇɐ pooƃ ʇɐɥʇ ʇ,usı ǝɥs ɥƃnoɥʇ uǝʌǝ ˙˙˙˙ƃop ɥɔʇɐʍ ɐ ƃuıǝq sı ɹo uosɹǝd ɯopuɐɹ ɐ ʇɐ ƃuıɹɐʇs ʇsnɾ sı ʇı ɟı ɹǝpuoʍ ı ˙˙˙ƃuıɥʇǝɯos ɹoɟ ƃuıʇıɐʍ ʍopuıʍ ǝɥʇ ʇno ƃuıɹɐʇs sdǝǝʞ ƃop ǝɥʇ ˙˙˙ǝʇınb ǝɹoɯ ǝןʇʇıן ɐ ǝq oʇ ǝʌɐɥ ʍou ı puɐ ɯɐ ʎןןɐnsn ı ʇɐɥʇ ɟןǝs ɥʇnoɯ pnoן ʎɯ ǝq ʇ,uɐɔ ı os ʇı ƃuıʞɐɯ sı sıɥʇ ˙˙˙ɥʇnoɯ ʎɯ ƃuıuǝdo uǝɥʍ ןnɟǝɹɐɔ ǝɹoɯ ǝq oʇ pǝǝu ʇsnɾ ı ˙˙˙suǝddɐɥ ʇı suǝddɐɥ ʇı uǝɥʍ ssǝnƃ ı ןןǝʍ ɥo ˙˙˙ןןɐ ʇɐ ǝɯ dןǝɥ ʇ,usǝop ʎןןɐǝɹ ɥɔıɥʍ ǝɥɔɐpɐǝɥ ɐ ǝʌɐɥ ı ʍou puɐ ɥɔnɯ ooʇ ɥʇnoɯ ʎɯ pǝuǝdo ɐpuıʞ ı puɐ ˙˙˙ʎɹǝƃɹns ʎɯ ɟo ǝsnɐɔǝq ƃuıʇɹnɥ sı ʍɐɾ ʎɯ

I wish

I wish that we were able to see everything about someone before jumping into a relationship...
I wish we could just throw it all on the table ever little thing and ask if they want that or if they would leave it it would help with all of the pain of dating and would make things easier... but in the same sense that would be too easy we should have to get to know them more and wait....... so ya...

Confusionish I guess

I don't know who I want to be with in life... I truly don't... I think I would be happy with a lot of different people but would they be happy with me? That is my main question right now... I think I am worrying about it too much... I really am frustrated at me I want to be loved badly but will I let the person love me? or will I hurt them? I don't want to tie knots though either... But I want to at the same time... I want to choose who i am going to be with but I want that person to truly want to be with me and it has to be something that the person really wants and wouldn't run away from it.... I am just confused about it I want it to be someone who is happy with who I am I guess... That is what it is but who will that be? that's the question... Patience is hard... I can hope it is someone amazing... ~<3 it will be but I just wonder who it is... I can hope it is a certain person but then I am limiting in my mind who that person really is and I learned I can't limit myself mentally in any way that is how I pull myself into depression....

Fun Night

Today was pretty good... Day after my surgery I have been eating ice cream all day and went to the movies (mt vernon) with Kyle and Ariez :) I had loads of fun we got to get bubble tea too.... We went and saw the movie How to raise a dragon... it was amazing I loved it personally I thought the main character would find an egg but it didn't turn out like that at all it was him finding the dragon instead...
Anyway I hope things go well for Kyle he is still nuts about Andrean and she doesn't care or at least acts like she doesn't care and I still seem to be in the middle of it all.... Oh well I tend to get used to it I am like the joker I guess i pretty much do anything most of the time... O.o...
I had lots of fun though...

Post surgery/ normal talk

It was great everything went as planned. My is still sore and it is mostly on one side but I have feeling in my mouth back. I have been surviving on mac n cheese and I am starting to miss meat and others things like cereal, rice, etc. My doctor told me I can eat real food like any food in about 3-4 days though which is great and really isn't that long. :D I am very happy about that.
I have lots of studying to do Sunday and Monday it is really hard to concentrate right now because of my mouth and how it feels...
Girls are... confusing at times I don't like mixed signals they try to send to people I see my friends totally struggling in understanding maybe because they aren't as emotional as most girls but I feel weird being able to understand them easily. I tend to understand everyone easily and if I try I can pretty much be friends with anyone I want to be friends with but There are a few exceptions to that... the one person that I can think of off the top of my head who knows who they are is a confusing or hard to understand person because this specific person is just like me in a sense and can put on masks and it is very very hard to see behind that mask unless this person actually shares how they feel... :-/ oh well I guess I won't be able to understand everyone but I am still going to try to understand this friend O.o

Surgery

Today I am not very excited about it I know things will go well but I just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen not with the surgery but with something else. I hate having that feeling in my gut that makes me feel sick because I know whenever I have it it never fails me. I am going to go and head to seattle in a couple of minutes now...
Right now my emotions are all mixed up with everything that has been happening lately and I feel like I am riding a roller coaster right now...
I am frustrated that whenever I want to hang out with any of my friends I have to fight every step of the way to just hang out with them which is just torture I would love to have a friend who fought to try to hang out with me as much as possible... but oh well I guess it isn't going to happen...
Will be drugged for a while after Surgery so won't be writing much...

Confused

I am not really sure what is going to happen next...
I just have this grave feeling afraid of what is going to come and happen and if it is just going to past by or is this something that is going to haunt me?
I don't know....
But I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens for now...